


Longing Through the Years

by Anonymous



Category: Original Work
Genre: Age Difference, Denial of Feelings, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Power Imbalance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 17:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17165885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Dennis falls for Alain, but they can never be together because they are not equals. Or so Dennis thinks.





	Longing Through the Years

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: power imbalance, pining, m/m
> 
> I hope that this matches what is wanted.
> 
> The setting is vaguely 18th century fantasy France.

“Are you looking for a summer home now, Dennis?” Lady Alice said. 

Dennis sipped his wine and glanced over the extensive gardens of Highgate, the renowned home of Alice’s husband’s family. “Why would I need a house, if I can visit you?”

“A councillor to the king should have his own properties. That is expected. And maybe I would like to visit you for once.”

He said nothing but gave her a smile. A councillor to the king barely scratched the surface of what he meant to the king. Or his complicated job. He ran his fingers over his carved ebony cane at the side of his chair, thinking back on he met Gregor. Then he was an army officer barely out of his teenage years. Now he was a retired general of great fame and wealth, retired at thirty, and a man of great importance.

Alice, a second cousin and his only relative, fanned herself. “Oh, they’re back.”

“They?”

She pointed towards the group of young men winding their way through the gardens. “Daniel went swimming this morning.” She waved to her son and his friends. “I didn’t tell him that you were arriving today. Or that you would be staying for awhile.”

“Hiding me already?”

“Nonsense. Merely a protection for you, my love. You asked for a retreat.”

“Who is that with him?” Dennis pointed towards a fair-haired boy near to Alice’s son. 

“A few local boys and Alain -- he’s ours for the summer. He’s James’ cousin’s son -- they have nothing, you know.”

“Oh, I see.”

“He’s such a dear. Some relatives scraped up enough money to send him to university for a year -- it’s up to him what happens next. Terrible thing to be born to foolish people.”

Dennis sipped his lemonade and considered the handsome young man. Well, he was there to enjoy the scenery and Alain was very pleasant to look at. This trip was turning out to be far better than expected.

Sunny Alain turned out to be intelligent and devastatingly charming for a man of eighteen years. Dennis was entranced from dinner to the day he had to leave. They spent nights talking and days hunting and taking turns around the garden. Dennis began to dread the day he would have to leave. And he would have to before the king sent for him.

He retreated to the garden as his servants packed up his clothes. He would be leaving first thing in the morning.

Alain was tapping his lips with a pen. He had a lap desk with him and some paper. “Good to see you, your grace,” he greeted Dennis.

“I am surprised to see you here,” Dennis admitted.

“I was hoping to finish my poem before dinner, as a parting gift for you.”

“I didn’t know you wrote poetry,” he replied, sitting down next to Alain. Alain allowed him to read through his paper and Dennis was impressed, seeing that Alain had much promise.

“Thank you for your interest, sir. But I must finish.”

“You should,” Dennis agreed. He was reluctant to leave this pleasant spot and the excellent company. “But you must agree to call me Dennis. And to visit me when you come to the capitol next.”

“I shall, sir -- Dennis.”

That smile would be the ruin of him, Dennis thought. But he had to resist.

~~~~~

On the journey home, Dennis vowed that he would help Alain in anyway possible. The warmth of his visit to his cousin lasted long but Dennis could see clearly how easily his direct involvement in Alain’s life could destroy Alain. 

Dennis was most aware of his power and influence in the country as one of the King’s chief ministers as well as the age difference and his need for a cane because of an old wound. He was not inclined to marriage yet nor to take a lover. But he was sorely tempted by Alain, who had so much promise. Any overt interest from Dennis with no intent for marriage could easily ruin poor status-less Alain. And Dennis was a difficult man at best and not fit for domestic bliss at all. Clearly, Alain deserved all the best in life and Dennis was not that.

He could help Alain best by helping to secure his place in society. He would pay for the rest of his university education and find a placement in court if desired. In the meantime, Dennis would be satisfied with letters and perhaps the rare visit. 

Alain’s letters were full of joy and cheerfulness. He wrote about his classes, his living situation, his friends, the latest books he read and his travels. Dennis treasured each one, tying up the pile with ribbon and stowing away in a box in his bedroom. Then, Alain sent him a small cameo as thanks for settling a recent difficulty for him. Dennis held the cameo with a trembling hand as he thought lovingly of the young man. 

“I hope that it would be amenable to you that I visit you before the start of the spring term,” Alain wrote. “It has been long since I last saw you and you have made the capitol sound like the most exciting place in the world.”

Despite his longing to see Alain, Dennis was shocked into silence when Alain was ushered into his home office upon his arrival. Alain had grown into a stunningly handsome man and cut a fine figure even in his modest student clothes. “I am glad to see you, Alain.”

“It’s been a long time,” Alain agreed.

“It’s just us for dinner. I hope that you are fine with that?”

“I am -- we have lot to catch up on.”

Dennis introduced Alain as his protege to acquaintances and friends at court. They went to dinners and other amusements together. He was glad at first to see that Alain was rapidly in much demand in invitations. Then he felt the pinch of jealousy when he noticed the interest from others in Alain. He knew what he had vowed -- to keep his hands off Alain and to set him up for a long and prosperous life. 

But it was still painful to watch Alain so close and yet so far away. A bright light bobbing around in the darkness of his life. The worst of it was the grand ball hosted by the king when Alain barely sat down because all the best people wanted a turn with the new sensation at court. 

“I should not leave you alone,” Alain said to Dennis, sitting at the side of the dance floor.

“I can’t dance,” Dennis said, tapping his cane. “You should enjoy yourself.”

“Fair enough, I guess. But it does not seem fair.”

They went to the opera on Alain’s final night in town. They sat in the royal box, a rare honor even for Dennis. But Gregor was in a generous mood and had a twinkle in his eye when he offered the box to Dennis. “I should be glad to the man who gets you of the house. You get grumpy and disagreeable on your own.”

Alain had never seen an opera before and his giddiness was infectious. He clapped long and hard at the end of the second act and finally sat down in his seat next to Dennis with a smile on his face. “Thank you.”

“The king will be glad you enjoyed the show.”

He brushed Alain’s hand nearly by accident when he reached for his cane. He felt the rush of excitement from the brief touch and the realization that Alain had not pulled his hand away either. They sat quietly until Alain said, “I’ll be sorry to go.”

“You have a year to go.”

“I’ve been offered a job when I graduate with a friend’s company.”

Dennis couldn’t quite imagine Alain in a job. He would need to make arrangements for a position and maybe a marriage to secure a title and property. “You’ll have other opportunities.”

“I shouldn’t push my luck.”

Dennis longed to kiss him right then and there, because Alain was perfect at that moment in the candle light. But he swallowed down the longing as he had already done for years. “People make their own luck, you’ll see.”

Life was unbearably boring after Alain returned to university. The king teased him unmercifully until Dennis returned to his old haunts. He felt the drabness and tediousness in his bones as he thought of Alain hard at studying. 

~~~~~

After graduation, Alain came to stay briefly with Dennis before heading off on a grand tour. “You are too generous, Dennis,” he said as they sat in Dennis’ library on a quiet rainy afternoon. 

Dennis paused in writing his correspondence. “Everyone should travel. Broadening your horizons will be good, especially for your poetry.”

“But still, I should repay you.” Alain gave him considering look. “In any way possible.”

Dennis had long given up on finding love with a person but he was constantly propositioned as an element of his position at court. He hoped that Alain was not offering him something he was reluctant to give in the first place. “No payment is necessary.”

“Then I hope you are not offended when I dedicate my first book of poems to you.”

“What?” Dennis was rarely surprised but this was news to him.

“I have nearly published a volume of poems. A friend at university is assisting me in getting the volume published.”

“You should dedicate it to Alice or your parents or friends.”

“You have done so much for me and I am grateful. It is but a little thing, a token of gratitude.”

Dennis waved him off. “When you are about to be published, then talk to me.”

A few days later he saw Alain off. Alain had left a copy of his manuscript with Dennis for his review and for safety. “I have only two copies -- please treat it kindly.”

Dennis reverently read each poem, turning each page with care. Alain’s sheer talent was overwhelming and Dennis ran out of words to praise his friend. Dennis made inquiries to find that Alain’s university friend was trustworthy and was close to getting the small volume published. He was only waiting for Alain to return from his tour.

After the news, Dennis decided that he needed to find Alain financial security. The Comte de Lourain had a lovely daughter of marriageable age. He could persuade the Comte to agree to marry his daughter to Alain. Alain would then be able to write all the poetry he could at leisure. A perfect situation for Alain, even if Dennis felt like he was ripping his own heart out with his teeth.

~~~~~

Dennis wondered where Alain had found his clothes as for once, Alain was dressed in expensive fashionable clothes. The maker of the blue embroidered coat could not have wanted a better model for their clothes than the trim Alain. 

“I should not have imposed on you this morning,” Alain said. 

He was keenly aware that he was not in a state to receive any one, given that he was still in his dressing clothes.He felt a pang of shame, in his natural state with hair unpowdered and stains on his clothes. Still it was Alain and he could not refuse him a thing, not matter how expensive or embarrassing.

“But I could not wait to explain myself.”

“Then explain yourself, sir.”

“Do you have any pressing engagements? I understand that court is demanding.”

Dennis shook his head. “The king is away on his business and directed me to stay here to keep watch on court. I am not needed yet.”

“Good.” Alain settled himself further in his chair. “I understand that you have been most kind in advancing my interest during my recent engagement.”

“You overstate my involvement.”

“I trust my sources.”

“Perhaps it is wise to not examine a gift too closely.”

Alain arched an eyebrow. “A gift?”

“Is not the family well-connected, wealthy and titled? The girl herself a well-known beauty and famed for her intelligence and piety? Any man or woman would consider themselves quite lucky to make such a match.” Dennis regretted not having wine or coffee at hand so that he could dramatically sip from a cup or glass to emphasis his point. 

“But love --”

“Better to be warmed by the coals of mutual respect and high regard than by the brief passions of a fast but quick-to-fade flame, young Alain.”

Alain said nothing. Dennis could not help but admire the cut of Alain’s blue satin coat and the contrast of his blond hair against the collar. He felt the old familiar pang thinking about Alain in his new home with his new wife. He had done everything he could have to set Alain up for a life of comfort and ease. Alain would flower among friends of his own age and adopted station in life, his wit and intelligence sparkling in the inevitable dinner and house parties and he would have all the time he would need for his poetry. 

Better for Alain to shine in the world than to be a hidden companion to a cranky courtier who worked in shadows.

While Dennis was working out how to wrangle an endorsement from the King for Alain’s second published volume, Alain jumped to his feet. Dennis was surprised at the sudden agitation in his friend. “I thought -- I have thought for a long time that you --” He stopped in his tracks. “I have heard enough stories about how cold-blooded and calculating you are, Dennis, and that you find all people lacking. Perhaps it is impossible for you to love.”

“I have no answers to that.”

“I wish you were other than you are. I wish that you could be happy. I wish that --” Alain went to the door. “We will send you invite to the wedding. I don’t expect to see you there.”

“I intend to attend, Alain.”

With a disbelieving look and a dash out the door, Alain was gone. Dennis drew his dressing robe close, now feeling a chill in the once warm room. Could he possibly watch the love of his life marry another, even if that’s the best for all involved? He was not sure but Alice would be angry with him if he didn’t go.

~~~~~

In the end, Dennis decided against attending the wedding. Demanding work and a command from the King was all the excuse that he needed.

He retreated to his offices in the palace. He had treaties to review, intelligence reports to read, and news to prepare for the King. After a month of living out of his dark offices, he ventured out to a nearby coffee shop to meet with the notorious court gossip, the Baron Valmont. The Baron was one of Dennis’ best sources.

The Baron ran off his mouth as usual about nearly everyone. Dennis filed away the stories for future review and sipped his coffee as he encouraged Valmont to talk more.

“Then your grace, you must have heard about young Alain Dermont -- he fled his own wedding to the daughter of the Comte de Lourain. He was quite lucky to have made a match above his station but then to throw it all away.”

“It is most curious,” Dennis affirmed.

“Is he not your protege?”

“Indeed. But I do not talk about the affairs of those under my protection. You would understand that.”

“Indeed, sir. But you must know about the whole sordid affair.” The Baron looked hopefully at Dennis, willing him to spill all that he knew about Alain. 

Dennis immediately deflected. “I suppose you have heard about Sophie Giroux and the nunnery? The king’s old mistress?” The Baron nodded eagerly and Dennis rolled out that story and so more tidbits from the court so that Valmont would feel he had learned new things. 

Later, Dennis would confirm that Alain indeed abandoned his fiancee at the altar. He wrote an exceedingly angry letter to the man, but then tore it up. Alain was a grown man and a reasonable, wise one at that. He had his reasons. Now all Dennis could hope for was that Alain was not challenged to a duel over this affront.

Oh, Alain, what trouble did you get you get into this time? And Dennis would not be able to save him at all.

~~~~~

Dennis heard rumors that Alain was now traveling abroad and refused contact with his friends. Distraught, Alice wrote to Dennis, attempting to get him to locate the young man. Dennis had some idea where the young man had fled but was not inclined to make things worse for him. 

A few months passed and it was early spring again when Old Daniel Ingres finally died. His lawyers met with Dennis -- he had no close relatives which meant that the crown would take a portion of the estate. Dennis had admitted to no one that he had an eye on Ingres’ manor. Once a gift from the king’s grandfather, the manor and property had fallen into disrepair and neglect. But Dennis could see the promise of the very pretty property.

The purchase was quickly made with the king’s blessing. “You won’t retire there anytime soon, I hope?” Gregor teased him as he toasted to Dennis. 

“You have been after me for years to find a summer home and now that I have, you worry about me retiring.”

“I could not lose you. But now I can nag you about finding a person to marry.”

He thought of Alain dancing at court. “No, that ship has sailed. There is no one for me.”

“Ha. I shall see you married soon.”

~~~~~

“You have more than enough work on your hands,” the estate manager said to Dennis as they toured Summerfields. 

Dennis had brought his architect with him to review the property for the renovations. “Indeed, I was expecting that.”

He turned to look down the wide avenue flanked by old oak trees that lead up to the manor. And he was surprised to see a man on horse racing up to them. The man slid off the horse in front of Dennis and the other men. “Alain?”

“I was told that you were here.”

“But where? Why?”

Alain adjusted his hat and clothes. “I had to see you.”

“Please excuse me, gentlemen.”

“I can make some sketches, your grace, with ideas for the manor,” his architect replied.

But Dennis had only eyes for Alain. “Come inside. I cannot promise anything more than the bare necessities.”

“You are here, that is all I need.”

Dennis’ heart thrilled to hear those words but his mind dismissed them as overly polite words from a man nearly disgraced. He squared himself, now expecting Alain to ask for favors. Just like everyone else that Dennis knew these days since his elevation in the king’s service. 

He brought Alain to his makeshift office on the first floor of the manor. A couple of wooden chairs, a desk and a couple of shelves were all the furniture in the room. He sat down in the chair next to the desk, resting his arm on it. Alain sat across from him in the other chair.

The ride had done Alain’s looks a world of good. The exertion put a glow on his face and a brightness in his eyes. Even if he were so inclined, Dennis could not tear his eyes away from the stunningly handsome man. 

Alain leaned towards Dennis. Dennis was always beyond aware of when Alain was close. He focused on the details of his embroidered coat, desperately trying to avoid looking at the embroidery on Alain’s hose, which covered those shapely calves.

“I owe you an explanation of my refusal to marry.”

“You caused a bit of scandal by not coming to the altar.”

“I do not know what you have heard. A few days before the wedding, I informed my fiancee and her family that I could not go through with the match, no matter how advantageous it was to me.”

“Indeed?”

“The Comte de Lourain agreed with me. He told me that he was uncomfortable with the marriage since I was clearly a favorite of a most influential and important man in the kingdom. He preferred that his daughter marry a man with less encumbrances.”

“Encumbrances? He did not mention that when I --”

Alain gave him a wicked smile. “You denied it before. Now you acknowledge that you made the arrangement.”

“I did.”

“And you do not see how another man might see you and your influence.”

Dennis paused a minute, reflecting on what Alain was implying. “I admit that I can influence other people.”

“Dennis, you are invaluable to the king. Everyone knows that. But I am more interested in what the Comte said to me.” Alain moved his chair closer to Dennis, close enough that Dennis could not avoid looking at him. “After a cordial parting from the Comte, I made some inquiries about who he was referring to. I had some hopes.”

He felt his throat go dry as Alain kept that wicked smile on his face. “And you found?”

“Some of your friends told me about your regard for me --”

“I have had a long regard --”

Alain put his hand on Dennis’ hand, sending a shudder through Dennis. He drew a sharp breath, fighting the flip in his stomach. 

“Regard?” Alain’s eyes darted down to Dennis’ lips. “I heard that it was much more than regard.”

He could deny it at all. Remove his hand from Alain’s and put distance between them. But want and desire overwhelmed his long vows about Alain. He nearly leapt into Alain, catching his face in his hands. Kissing Alain and being kissed by Alain made his knees turn into jelly and his blood race.

“I have loved you since I first saw you those five years ago,” Dennis confessed as they touched foreheads, his fingers entwined in Alain’s hair and his arm around his waist. 

“And you said nothing?”

“You have a future and I could ruin it all for you. Would you be happy to be a mere kept man, dependent on my fortunes for anything in your life and questioned by everyone about any achievement you made?”

“I’d hold out for marriage first.”

“Ha.”

“I was taught by the best.” Alain kissed him again. “If you had talked with me, we might have come to a meeting of the minds in time.” He shifted to sit in Dennis’ lap. “Trust me and my judgment about what is best for me.”

“And?”

“This is best for me. I had to travel a few months to find out that I would be lost without you. Once I returned home, I had to see you as soon as I could.”

Dennis put a finger to Alain’s mouth. “Wait.” He rang for his servant who came to the door. “Henri -- tell Misters Avery and Monte that I will be occupied for the rest of the afternoon and evening. I will see them tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Do not disturb me for the rest of the day and we will be down for dinner at the usual time.”

“Yes, sir.” The man bowed and left on his errand.

“What now?” Alain asked.

“We make up for lost time,” Dennis replied.

And later, as they lay entangled in each other’s limbs and the sheets on the pallet in Dennis’ room, Dennis marveled at Alain’s beautiful naked body next to his. Alain smiled back at him. “I’ll make you happy,” Alain promised.

“You always have.” He brushed back Alain’s unruly hair from his face. “And always will.”

~~~~~

“I shall visit every summer from now on,” Alice declared as they took a turn around the renovated garden.

“Indeed?” Dennis replied.

“Yes, this is the perfect place. And Alain keeps a most excellent home for you. I had always imagined what your manor would be like and this exceeds my expectations.”

“Repeat that after you’ve eaten your first dinner.”

“Alain already told me the menu so I will be surprised if I am disappointed.”

Dennis could see the top of Alain’s head as Alain showed off the gardens to the other guests. No doubt Alain was also graciously handling a lot of praise for his second book of poems. His husband, his guests, his house. And Gregor the King was to visit at the end of the summer, a distinctive honor that Alain was grateful for and Dennis wished Gregor would put off until the manor’s renovations were completed. 

“You are positively radiating with happiness,” Alice accused him.

“Did you know that this would be result of my visit to your house all those years ago?” 

Alice fanned herself and took an interest in the newly planted bed of roses. “What makes you think I could out maneuver you on anything?”

“Right.” He offered his arm to her again. “Thank you. We should rejoin the rest.”

“It was Alain, you know. He asked me what he could to do to make you notice him when you first met,” she confessed. “I encouraged him because you needed a husband and a home.”

Dennis could only shake his head in response. His sunny poetic husband smiled with joy at them as they joined his party. Dennis marveled again that Alain could ever have possibly fallen in love with him in the first place. But he wasn’t going to question fate again now that he had all he ever want.


End file.
